Amidst God's Grace and Goodness

As of late, life has been kind of chaotic....but subtly chaotic. No major event has occurred. But my routine has been slightly disrupted. Sleep schedule is a bit off. Just feel "off". I've been trying to change jobs, leaving the ER for Oncology. Seems like such a relief to switch to something where I am powerless to heal. But what an opportunity to let God in to do the work. Since returning from Africa, I've known it's time to move on. It's been difficult finding my way out. I recently was able to interview for a job that I think would be a great fit for me. I haven't heard anything yet, and I'm becoming less and less hopeful. Which brings the question.....How can I be hopeful in the face of disappointment? It's so easy to rejoice when we're taking steps toward something we want. I want to be somewhere else. I feel I have the potential for more, and where I am isn't cutting it; where I am isn't glorifying God. I'm sure God would disagree somewhat with that statement. During the time surrounding the recent chemotherapy class and interview, I was hopeful, grateful for the window, for the glimpse of what I could be. Thankful that I might have found the way out of the ER. During that time, I rejoiced, saying to myself that even if I didn't get the job, I would still be content. And I'm disappointed. It's SO HARD to be hopeful and then live through the disappointment of failure. I'm struggling to find the joy in the situation. But I remember- my joy is in God, not in the situation. So, I grieve the lost job. I'm sad. I feel beaten, how can I summon the strength to keep going?

I saw a rainbow on the way to church tonight. We have the opportunity for rainbows all the time in Seattle with the rain and sun. Tonight I took it as a personal reminder of God's promise. A message sent directly for me reminding me of God's grace and goodness. So, it is with that message that I rest in the arms of my God who loves me and has a master plan. It is in His comfort that I wait for my steps to be revealed. It is in this stationary period, this season of wandering that I rejoice in the Lord for all that He gives and withholds.