another dream

on the coat tails of a blog entry about dreams, comes another weird dream last night.  i wish my brain would record the dream so i could watch it.  last night's dream was so strange.  i think it started with me buying a kitten for $7.  He was a tabby and i forget what i named him, but it was the best name ever.  i was worried that i would get in trouble for getting another cat, but my step dad said it would be ok.  i don't know why he was in my dream, but he loves kittens.  then i was at a pseudo clinical area.  there were regular beds and a bunch of people in the patient's room.  one of my co-workers was the patient.  he was there for some kind of pain, and i was concerned that he was becoming a drug addict.  i tried to put an iv in him, but couldn't.  then i got mad because i couldn't.....and then there was a bunch of water everywhere in the dream.  when i got the kitten, there was a couple feet of water, and in the clinical part of the dream too.  

strange.  maybe this is why i feel so tired after i sleep.

dream a little dream for me

there was a period of time, years actually, where i didn't dream at all.  but for the past month or so i've been dreaming the strangest dreams.  

two nights in a row i dreamed about Zach.  the dreams about him aren't pleasant, more disturbing. in the dreams he aggressively ignores me or confronts me...kind of like real life!  so why is he invading my dreams all of the sudden.

tonight i fell asleep during a rerun of SNL.  I dreamed that i was on a road trip and trying to decide what car to buy.  since we (a group of unknowns) were in a different state, the car i wanted wasn't there.  I felt worried in the dream about making a car purchase.....kind of like real life!  I just bought a car almost 2 weeks ago, and feel mildly significant buyers remorse.  i daydream about winning a larger sum of money to pay off my loan.

there was a recurring component to the car dream i had today.   i don't even know where to begin to explain it.  my friend Jil is in it, but she doesn't look like Jil in the dream.  She's sitting in a restaurant or maybe it's her apartment, but it's deserted.  and there is nothing but old food in the fridge.  but i can still order and some other people are setting up a feast in another room, and it's a gorgeous table.  it's outside with sparkling lights and crisp white table linens.  and it turns out it's a party for me.  i can stay as long as i'd like.  no one seems put out, they're all happy and don't mind that it's late.   (it makes me think of the other world in "Coraline" before it becomes scary.)  then i woke up because my pup needed to go outside.  

i fuess there are a lot of theories about dreams, but no one really know....

here's some reading information.

Again with the smells...

I was struck by how much my brain engages with fragrances, like my new favorite 'eau de husband'.   It's like the imaginative side of my brain goes into overdrive building a story around what i smell.  At work, smells are often pervasive: toxic sock, code brown, strep mouth, the smell of chronic drunk (included in that is the smell of old urine, usually with toxic sock, and bad dental hygiene).  Sorry to gross you out.  At work, though, I try to avoid smells of all kinds.  Just a better safe-than-sorry policy.  

I've got many favorite smells- coriander lotion, warm laundry, banana bread, my cats's fur (i know i'm weird).  But my all time favorite smell is Boxwood.   I would smell it here and there, but could never really pinpoint WHAT i was smelling.  

My grandparents' house is a colonial farm house in Bloomington, IN.  Very old, and as a child, I spent a lot of time there.  We would often be on the back porch playing games, eating breakfast, or whatever.  And when you walk outside from the back porch, the smell is THERE.  I used to think it was moss mixed with mud and grass.  That's how I would describe it: moss and damp and green.  But there is a huge boxwood bush right by the door.  I didn't connect the smell until a few years ago, when I walked past a boxwood bush, smelled the smell, and immediately thought of my grandpa.  I miss him terribly.  

I went to Ravenna Gardens not so long ago, to buy a small boxwood plant for my patio.  I asked the salesperson about it and told her how much I loved the smell of them.  She said "You like the smell of cat pee?"  I do not, as it turns out, and i didn't buy boxwood that day.  But i associate the smell with all things good about my Grandpa, and will forever love boxwood.     As it turns out, there are tiny boxwood bushes surrounding the perimeter of my building.  While i love to be able to smell them everyday, I am becoming desensitized to it, and it doesn't trigger that same tug in my heart for my grandpa.  But for now, my brain has forever linked the two.  

Smell Ya Later

I came home from work today later than normal.  I clocked out at the regular time, but found myself lingering away my "wind down" time in the fish bowl talking to the gals.  The fish bowl is the glass encased registration booth.  I'm not sure if it's bullet proof or not, although the glass is a new addition.  It used to be just an open desk.  So, i guess now if someone walks in and shoots at you, you'll have to deal with shards of glass in your eye too!  But, I digress.  So, as the sun is rising in the east, I decided to get some groceries on the way home.  I was the only one there, but what a treat- freshly delivered bread from essential baking company.  So I picked up a loaf of Rosemary Diamante bread and some other essentials and headed home.  I park, grab my bag and head in.  (This is where the best part happens).  I step in the elevator and a wonderful smell makes my heart bloom.  I was totally aware and enveloped in a scent that grabbed me.  It was a gorgeous blend of morning coffee and men's cologne.  It was the kind of smell that if you take too deep a breath, you almost lose it.  Not an overwhelming smell of either, but a perfectly matched aroma that sparked a longing and a smile.    Immediately I thought "This is what i want my husband to smell like."  It's a husband smell.   I like to think that the man belonging to the fragrance was wearing a tie and was tall with an average build, but more on the meaty side/not waify.  He's normal and good looking, but not in a jerky sort of way.  I want to meet him.  Oh, what a smell.